Pizza Papa

Tonight, for the low low price of $22, I got chicken poppers, cheesy sticks, and a large one topping (pepperoni) pizza from Papa John's.

The chicken poppers tasted good, but they were little bit disappointing because I thought they would be bigger. I didn't expect them to be as large as, say, a boneless wing but I did expect them to be as big as, say, a jalapeño popper. Instead they were about the size of a pair of dice. A 10 piece comes with two complementary sauces, so I chose Buffalo and Ranch. When I saw the size of the poppers, I realized I would only need one container of sauce so I decided to use the Buffalo. I'm not sure if I've ever had Papa John's buffalo sauce before, but it was freaking amazing - it's spicy, it's hot, and it has a lot of flavor!

The pepperoni pizza was excellent; super hot and super crispy on top. The cheese sticks, which I have never had before, were actually a small 10 inch pizza with garlic sauce and a very thick layer of cheese on top. It comes with 2 garlic sauces, which I will save and use for pizza tomorrow.

The best part is that by spending at least $15, I earned a free pizza, so that makes me happy!

Sandwich Forensics

In case you didn't know, Wendy's fast-food chain has a new sandwich, the pretzel burger. I decided to try this burger the other day even though I have been kind of trying to stay away from fast food. Kind of. The flavor of the burger was delicious and the consistency of the band was perfect; it was tough on the outside and fluffy on the inside just like a regular hot pretzel you would get at the mall or at the fair. The meat was delicious and the sauce was great as well. Included on the burger was lettuce, tomato, and red onion slices. The only real problem with the burger was that it was so incredibly greasy.

When you have a sauce that is a delicate emulsion of oil and "other", sometimes it is very difficult to get that sauce to a high enough temperature without breaking, also known as separating. I believe some of the greasiness of the burger was due to the sauce breaking and the oil from the sauce leaking out into the container and settling underneath the bottom bun. I believe the rest of the greasiness was due to regular greasiness of a beef burger combined with the greasy sauce and all put on a bun that does not have the consistency or ability to absorb grease like your typical hamburger bun would.

I'm going to try the pretzel burger again because the flavor was absolutely amazing, however, if it is greasy the next time then I will know it is just a poorly made burger!

A Flourishing Garden

Location:
Asian Garden Buffet
8633 Columbus Pike 
Lewis Center, Ohio 43035(740) 549-1888

I've been to this buffet on several occasions.  Honestly I would like to go more often, but I am rarely in or around Lewis Center anymore, so I forget it's there. This buffet is pretty typical, but the thing that makes them stand out is the freshness. The food is always SO fresh. Often at buffets, Chinese or otherwise, you will see a few pieces of whatever left in the pan for someone to finally take. AGB does not let that happen. Once it's down to a few, they switch it out and put in fresh. You won't find those dried up sticky noodles and vegetables at the bottom, you won't have any chewy crab rangoon or egg rolls.

The crab rangoon are little purse-types, which I am starting to prefer over the triangles. The triangles seem to get stale and chewy and lose their filling very quickly on buffets, whereas the purses stay nice and fresh and full. AGB has a good selection of fried foods, including french fries and onion rings, which were a big hit with my son. The only things that were really disappointing were the white rice and General Tso's, two very important items for a Chinese buffet. The white rice wasn't sticky, it was just stuck together and hard - even though it was warm. The General Tso's chicken pieces were hard and had to be gnawed on, and the sauce was b-l-a-n-d. It was so strange because all the other food I had was really good! Well except the brown sauce, because I expected it to be salty and it was sweet. That was my own misjudgment. Their hot & sour soup, my new obsession, was okay. Very miso-y, which is kinda strange because H&S soup has no miso in it. One other kind of annoying thing, which happens at 9/10 Chinese buffets, is the lack of mustard packets. Once again, as always, I had to get a bowl of hot mustard off the salad bar. It's not so much that I hate that kind of mustard, it's just that I feels so wasteful when I leave so much. Oh, I almost forgot the teriaki - pork, I believe, because it was darker on the inside than chicken usually is - freakin' amazing. I usually stay away from the chick-on-a-stick, but I was tasting for it that day. It was so flavorful, so tender, and so perfectly moist - not dripping gross and not toughly dry. It was literally perfect.

Overall, I'd say in the realm of Chinese buffets, Asian Garden Buffet is definitely one to be visited more often. The staff is friendly, they loved to play with my son, and they kept up on the refills with impeccable timing.

Fries, Onion rings, vegetable pieces, fried rice

I love this rice, Mom!

This right here is the BEST plate ever.

Crab rangoon, brown sauce chicken, naked chicken for S&S

Panko Shrimp, Egg roll

Mustard

Egg roll, spring roll, teriaki pork, crab rangoon, crispy flaky thing

I dip my fries in Sweet & Sour sauce - What?

Teriaki pork, crab rangoon, sugar buns, broccoli chicken

General Tso's and white rice

No pics while I'm chewing!

Beige Plate: Lo Mein, chicken, coconut shrimp

Overall Scores: (1-5, 1 being lowest, 5 highest):     

Cleanliness: 4 (always those old bathrooms! ugh!)

Value: 5

Accessibility: 5

Friendliness: 5

Menu: 5

Neighbor's Deli Update!

I've been going to Neighbor's Deli since they were a Jersey Mike's franchise. Super awesome owner, super awesome food, and just when I think it can't get any better (unless they moved closer to my house) - French Onion Soup.

OMG.

The best non-sit-down-restaurant French Onion Soup that I've had in a long time. Make sure you go get some as soon as possible. Also, join their Facebook page for great deals.

And now, the photos (do not judge too harshly, this soup sat in the car for 25 minutes while I was stuck in traffic. I popped it in the microwave for 30 seconds and it was perfect):

Ejecutar en la frontera

(Or: Run from the border)

Location: 

On The Border

4175 Morse Crossing  Columbus, OH 43219

(614) 471-4416 ‎

I have to warn you, in case you didn't already know, that I'm basically a Mexican food snob. That being said, we decided to go to On the Border because we were starving and it was literally right in front of our eyeballs.

What a mistake. The service was mediocre at best. Our waiter had an earpiece in, which he clearly spent more time listening to than to us, and I personally could not understand a word he said due to mumbling and volume of voice. My best friend could make most of it out, but I'm not sure how. The floors were sticky - and I don't mean Texas Roadhouse/peanuts all over the floor/sticky - I mean when I set my feet down and stood in one spot for more than 10 seconds, I had to exert effort to remove my shoe from the floor. The entire restaurant, even the bathroom, was like this. It was so bad that I checked the bottoms of my shoes to see if I had stepped in gum - I had not.

My food was terrible. Our waiter brought two bowls of the same salsa, and one basket of chips. We waited so long between ordering drinks & food that he had to bring us more chips. They were fine, nothing special. The salsa was watery and had no zip - even my 21 month old son would not eat it and he'll eat pretty much anything. He loves spicy food like mama, so it probably tasted bland to him too! I ordered barbacoa enchiladas, which is: "Three enchiladas filled with Shredded Beef and aged cheddar cheese, topped with red chile enchilada sauce and melted cheddar cheese." When my plate arrived, you could tell immediately that it had been sitting under a heat lamp. The random blue chip shoved into my beans was rubbery; The sauce wasn't shiny like fresh sauce, it was matte like old crusty sauce. The cheese was dull and starting to separate, the tortillas were dry and cracking, and the meat filling was just ordinary. When I tasted the red enchilada sauce, I almost spit it out. Instead of being a tangy delicious sauce, it was almost exactly like mole. Thick, sweet, and seriously had the hints of cocoa that mole has. Total (bad) surprise to my mouth. My refried beans were run of the mill, and my Mexican rice tasted like someone's leftover Rice-A-Roni... from last year. I got a side of black beans for my son, which he ate all of, and they were fine. You can't really mess up black beans... as far as I know... I'm sure it's been done.

My best friend got the Queso Chicken, "Tender grilled Chicken Breast topped with creamy chile con queso sauce and fresh sliced avocado. Served with sauteed vegetables and cilantro lime rice." She liked it okay, but it wasn't exactly what she'd expected. The chile con queso sauce was more like Rotel  + Velveeta, and didn't really have a flavor to it. The chicken was grilled, and she said it was not spicy, but very flavorful. Yay! A good thing! Also her rice was nice and fluffy and tasty, and the sauteed vegetables (squash & zucchini) were done perfectly. Apparently I should have ordered off the "fresh" menu! Guess that's the only food that's made fresh!

Overall, this was a very disappointing experience. I guess if I had never eaten at a real Mexican restaurant, I might think places like this are good? I don't know. It was just sad. I will most likely never go back, and that feels fine to me because I'd rather support the mama y papa restaurantes down the street.

Queso Chicken

Barbacoa Enchiladas

Salsa #1

Salsa #2

Where'd the chips go?!

More chips.

GIVE ME THOSE ICE CUBES

Nom nom nom

Kid's cup

Blurry Black Beans

Yum. Food. Almost as good as ice cubes.

READY TO GO!

Seriously, get me out of here!

Damnit Mom, I said LET'S GO!

I'm being angelic because I want to GTFOutta here!

Take home a box (careful of those edges, I sliced my thumb)

Overall Scores: (1-5, 1 being lowest, 5 highest)           

Cleanliness: 1

Value: 2

Accessibility: 5

Friendliness: 2

Menu: 2

The Golden Goose... Er, Rangoon?

Location: 

Golden China Express

453 E Wilson Bridge Road Worthington, OH 43085

(614) 848-4600

Just wanted to throw a quick review in about this tiny Chinese take-out place that we go to every once in awhile. Honestly, we should go there more, but they're kind of on the pricey side. (Well, compared to my favorite Chinese pig-out, The Buffet!) I always get the crab rangoon and combination #17, General Tso's with fried rice and an egg roll. It's perfect every time! The crab rangoon are the best best best of any Chinese take out I've ever had. They are huge, about the size of a playing card, hot, crispy, and totally stuffed with crab-cream cheese filling. Oh my god, I literally just started drooling just typing about them! Anyway  the General Tso's is the stickier kind, but they keep their chicken pieces to about the size of half a matchbox car, so they don't get chewy. They don't include any peppers (sad face) but they do include 4-5 pieces of steamed broccoli.  What I really like is their fried rice.  It doesn't have a ton of vegetables in it, or those weird pieces of teriaki pork or whatever that red, hard, tasteless pork is that you often find in fried rice. Blargh. I hate those things. It's just rice, fried, no additions. I don't mind the occasional pea or carrot, but when you get more vegetables than rice, it's like why not order vegetable fried rice instead? I just want some tasty fried rice to put my tasty General Tso's chicken into.

Check out the Golden China Express  on East Wilson Bridge Road, at the intersection of Huntley and Worthington Galena. You will not be disappointed. Poke always gets the house fried rice, and it actually fills him up! He eats a lot. Here's a photo of the combination #17, without the egg roll or crab rangoon - I kinda scarfed those down before I thought to take a picture!

Yum!

Overall Scores: (1-5, 1 being lowest, 5 highest)           

Cleanliness: 4

Value: 4

Accessibility: 3 (you either have to know the back way in, or wait to turn left for 117 hours)

Friendliness: 5

Menu: 5

A Flourishing Garden

Location: 

China Garden Buffet

1788 Morse Rd  Columbus, OH 43224

(614) 848-3628

My dining buddy, JI.

You guys should just go ahead and consider me to be a Chinese buffet expert. I love them, and I will try any Chinese buffet at least once. I've rarely had bad experiences, and I've never been to a Chinese buffet that didn't have at least five dishes I like. The defining item at a Chinese buffet is, for me, the crab rangoon.

I've been to China Garden probably more than fifty times in my life. I started going there back in 2002 when I was with my first husband, and I go there at least four times a year. So that would be at least 44 times in the past 11 years! The decor is nice, they always have the best music (Chinese buffets score really high points with me if they have Asian versions of American pop songs on their Muzak), and the staff is great. They have a good selection of food, and according to Poke, they have the best Peanut Chicken (yuck! I'll never try it!). The best thing about China Garden, which is bane on many buffets of any culture, is food temperature. As a chef, I know the rules, and I know that it's hard to keep buffets above 140* let alone 165*, and I take my chances every time I eat at a buffet. But I have an iron stomach and thus far in my life, it has not been buffet food that gave me salmonella and e. coli!

Crab rangoon, white rice, General Tso's chicken

But I digress. China Garden is #1 in my book because they have the best crab rangoon. They are little pastry purses, stuffed full of creamy goodness and never chewy or hard to bite into. China Garden is the only buffet that I've ever been to that provides the spicy mustard in packets, which is my favorite, so I don't have to get a bowl with plain hot mustard from the salad bar. That's awesome.  China Garden also has some of the best General Tso's chicken. Now, in case you didn't know, there are two kinds of General Tso's out there. There is the sticky, syrupy, brighter red kind, and the darker red, thinner sauced, sesame seeds on top (why, I don't know) kind. China Garden has the latter, and it's super freakin' tasty. Sometimes the chicken in the sticky sauce gets pretty chewy, and you can literally sit there and gnaw on a larger piece of chicken until it's mere shreds between your teeth. Not fun. But at China Garden, they make their chicken pieces on the smaller side (about the size of a large peanut) and because it's in the thinner sauce, it doesn't absorb all that moisture and get chewy. Tiny little bite sized crispy pieces of perfectly sauced chicken. Yum.

Kid's: $Free under age 2$

I love all this food!

Hmmm What should I eat next?

China Garden has the best of a lot of menu items, actually: egg rolls, vegetable fritters, teriaki chicken, bacon-wrapped krab, Singapore noodles, and spring rolls, to name a few.

From L to R: egg roll, crab rangoon, broccoli chicken, vegetable fritter

Overall, if you're in the Westerville area and you're tasting for Chinese food, stop by the China Garden buffet. The price is right ($7 lunch, $11 dinner) and the food is amazing. 

And the BEST sugar buns this side of Hong Kong

Overall Scores: (1-5, 1 being lowest, 5 highest)           

Cleanliness: 3 (the bathrooms could use some work)

Value: 5

Accessibility: 5

Friendliness: 5

Menu: 5

My Big Fat Greek Meh

Menu

Location: 

George's Beechwold Diner

4408 Indianola Avenue Columbus, Ohio 43214

(614) 447-0944

About a year ago, Poke and I tried to go to the Beechwold Diner on a Sunday in between church services, hoping they wouldn't be very busy and we would miss the rushes. We walked in with our infant son, and stood there for about three minutes just waiting to be greeted. There were plenty of waitresses running around, and the front door can be seen from every single spot in the restaurant. The place was packed, with no available tables, and since we weren't acknowledged at all, we ended up walking out.

Hey lady, where's the eats? A guy can't live on crackers!

A few weeks ago, a friend and I wanted to get together for lunch and try someplace new. I figured I would give the diner another chance, since a few of my friends are constantly raving about it on Facebook. We met around 11am, and it wasn't packed, but there were only two free tables. I had my son with me, so luckily I was able to get a spot where we could put the high chair.

I LOVE FOOD!

I ordered a Reuben, which came with chips. I asked if I could substitute fries for chips, and she said no, I could only order a side of fries and then I wouldn't get my chips. That pissed me off. If I'm paying for chips and fries, I want to get chips and fries. I told her to please give me the chips as well. I didn't get any chips. I got my son an ala carte pancake and one scrambled egg, which he wolfed down before I could even try a bite, so I'm going to assume they were good... but he's a toddler now, so basically all food is good to him. The Reuben was pretty good, lots of meat and sauerkraut and just the right amount of dressing. I prefer my rye bread to be more toasted, but at least it was only raw on the edges. The fries were fine, but there was nothing special about them. Just fries. I like Wendy's or Penn Station's fries better. I really missed the chips.

Reuben

My friend got a grilled ham and cheese with chips and coleslaw. She said the coleslaw was good, crisp and creamy and not too soupy. It looked like Steak'n'Shake's coleslaw to me, which is one of very few coleslaws that I like. She said her ham and cheese was tasty. We decided to get some dessert, and I got the apple pie and she got bread pudding. After she took the first bite, I could tell the bread pudding wasn't good, and she confirmed it. Blech. My pie, however, was delicious - although I highly doubt it was homemade, unless they have a 5-star patisserie in the back.

'Slaw

Grilled ham & cheese and chips

Now let's discuss the drink situation. I ordered a Diet, as always, and a water for the kid. I had to flag her down several times to get a refill, and eventually she just started ignoring me. For the last half of my meal, I ended up drinking my son's water because I couldn't get the waitress to give me any more pop! My friend ordered hot tea, and was charged three times, once for each cup of tea that she had. Seriously? $1.59 for hot water? Wow.

Our tab was pretty steep, considering the lackluster experience. I really don't think a meal at a diner for a kid and two women should cost more than $20, but it does at George's Beechwold Diner. Totally unacceptable.

Yes, that says $33.14!

Overall Scores: (1-5, 1 being lowest, 5 highest)           

Cleanliness: 3 (it's a really old place that is in need of major upgrades)

Value: 1

Accessibility: 1 (only 4 parking spots, easy to miss from the road)

Friendliness: 1

Menu: 3

By the end of our meal, the place had cleared out.

 You can visit their website here.

Joke!

Location: 

Piada

1315 W Lane Avenue

Columbus, OH 43220

(614) 754-1702‎

In Portugese, the word "Piada" translates into "Joke" and I think that's what is happening here.  Someone is trying to play a big joke on people who like both Chipotle and Italian food. It's a chain restaurant set up in the same way as a Chipotle - wait in line for 37 minutes, go through the ordering process, try to find a seat in the overcrowded dining room, fail, and leave. Don't get me wrong, I love Chipotle, but I rarely go in and order - I almost always do it online so I can walk straight to the front! Sorry losers!

But I digress.

Piada is "Italian Street Food" as interpreted by some fat American guy, I have to assume. Why? Well it's literally pasta wrapped in a burrito. Seriously. They call it a piada, but it's a freakin' burrito. So you go up and ask for a piada, or a pasta bowl, or a chopped salad bowl. They have all kinds of toppings, but none of them are good - roasted slimy peppers, soggy nasty spinach, chewy calamari... *ugh* Then you can choose your sauce, a flavorless goo to slather upon your sub-par ingredients. The list goes on of disgusting things to slop into your spaghetti burrito. So gross. They have sides too, like breadsticks and fried calamari, or soup and salad, and I think some of the locations sell wine and/or beer as well.

I've been to Piada twice in my life, and it was twice too many. Chipotle has the winning combination on this concept, and other people need to stop trying to copy it and just do their own damn thing.

Overall Scores: (1-5, 1 being lowest, 5 highest)           

Cleanliness: 5

Value: 2

Accessibility: 1

Friendliness: 3

Menu: 1

Am I at Chipotle? No, sadly, I am not.

A sideways bag of pasta bowl

Fox is suspicious of this Vegetarian Pasta bowl To Go.

This bowl cost me $8.95

Angel hair, pesto, black olives, roasted red peppers, tomatoes, mozzarella, green peppers

They tell you in what order to choose your food, in case you're fucking retarded.

Extensively gross menu.